October 14

Happy Nyerere Day! Allegedly a major public holiday commemorating the beloved president, there was supposed to be no activity today--banks and major stores would be closed, no school and people would use this day to relax. You know, like most holidays in America. But nope, this is a developing country and stuff needs to get done! Business as usual on the streets of Arusha, same ratio of dalas per passing car and just about every duka and peddler was out doing their usual thing. I even saw some kids in uniform going to school. Did they not get the memo? But, business as usual means I still have to get out there and train. Dressed in my finest saggy ass harem pants and collared shirt, I was ready for whatever jabs the villagers had for me today. Again, no lunch because all of the other counterparts apparently dont have functioning metabolisms. I dont know if it's an appropriate call on the general culture, but these Tanzanians don't eat much. They were fine buying two bananas and calling that lunch. Nuh-uh. I'm a no good westerner.  I need at least something warm. I braced myself today by buying two packs of cookies and some muffins. Again down the bumpy road to Maweni and made our way to the shamba to demonstrate the double dug bed. When I arrived, some of the dirty men from yesterday were staring and again called me mzungu! Our SA trainer had to intervene and say its inapporpriate at this point to continue to not call me by my name or even 'mwalimu' (teacher), and tried to explain that I'm not even white. I understood the conversation in Swahili in which our trainer explained that just because I live in America I'm not white. He argued that when I introduced myself I said I was from New York (funny thing he remembered that, cause he didn't know my name). Our trainer explained that I am clearly not white, I have messy hair and my people are dark skinned and also light skinned so it depends on the person. The man argued back that if I'm not African he can call me mzungu and there was nothing wrong with that. Ugh. Idiot. It was useless, so we just let it go. He was pretty pissed we tried to set him straight, I know the word isnt a racist or derogatory word, but I'm teaching! Its really rude.

The digging began and removing the topsoil was fairly easy since the soil was so loose to begin with. Everything was going well, what got ugly was the subsoil. We hit a huge layer of rock, that I swear was like shist. It was impossible to break, so much that we bended the rules with how deep the bed is supposed to be. What annoyed me during this charade was the immediate submission of the women to the men, when the digging got a little tough. In the Meru culture, the women do most of the farming, but I think in the presence of the men, it was a sign that the men were stronger if they allowed them to do the tilling. It wasn't incredibly difficult when we reached about half a foot into the subsoil, our other SA trainer who is a woman was able to do a  lot of the tilling. On top of this, the women villagers were now sitting in the shade snickering and looking at me, and I could hear the occasional word 'mzungu'. Ugh, didn't we just go over this. I heard the word viatu (shoes) and looked down at my canvas sneakers I'd bought at Kmart right before I came here ($4) which last week had gotten caught on an acacia thorn and ripped a little in the front. Are these women laughing at my shoes??! I'm not rich, nor am I here to pretend I am but the audacity of being condescending to me was more than I could take. I again walked over to the car as the lesson was ending. As I passed another crowd of women, I could hear more snickering as I carried my water and applied some chapstick. I gave some leverage and assumed they were fascinated by my lip balm so I tried to say it was 'dawa' (medicine) for my lips. Why even bother, I thought as they kept laughing as if I'd said the most ridiculous thing. The other counterparts weren't even translating what was going on anymore, it wasn't worth it and what was being said wasn't probably nice.

I couldn't believe these people were being rude, usually Tanzanians are so welcoming! Our driver later assured me its annoying but not uncommon that women occasionally sit and gossip when idle. There's even a Swahili proverb that says if you're idle you'll sit around and gossip about passersby. It wasn't really comforting, I'd never been bullied in school either my whole life! I know volunteering could be frustrating, but I'd never expected to feel so hopeless and embarrassed to be somewhere while I was working. I didn't think I looked that ridiculous. Relieved to get out of there, we served the refreshments and parted with the villagers back to Arusha.

I was so glad to be back home, where people know my name! I told my host family about the experience today, and despite the harmless meaning of the word 'mzungu', they agreed it was rude to call me that when they could have said 'mwalimu' or my name. I feel uneasy about returning tomorrow, but I hope that while the graduation ceremony commences, they'll gain some respect for the program and for myself.